Psychotherapists Vicksburg MS
Accepting Change
By Judy Rooks
You have a unique view regarding change. How would you describe it?
First of all, it’s important to recognize that everything in life isn’t permanent. Change is wiser than we are. Oftentimes the world we want to construct is really quite a small one. Change can break that way open and reveal possibilities we never could have thought of ourselves. Change is an ally, not an enemy. The stress comes when we try to hold on too tightly.
How should we deal with change in order to grow?
First and foremost, it’s important for you to understand—and embrace—the fact that you’re an initiate in a great rite of passage that will lead to transformation. In those moments of immense change, you die to who you were, and you are not yet reborn to who you will be. You’ve embarked on a journey.
Could you identify the stages needed to move through this process?
There are three parts to moving from one stage of life to the next. First, you separate from the world you once knew. Whether you’re fired from a job or getting married or moving, you’re experiencing separation. Your old life is behind. Next, you enter the time between “no longer and not yet.” This is an uncomfortable, scary place, because you can’t control it. Try to view this as a sacred time of wandering. Our usual way of thinking is in the box. The “no longer and not yet” offers new inspiration, breakthroughs, and recognition of overlooked strengths. Finally, you adjust. You begin to form a new life, and you bring with you your own gifts and an expanded sense of who you are. You become more fully human.
Is this a lesson in optimism?
We can all learn to think optimistically. During unwanted change, we can hold onto the idea that difficult life circumstances are challenges that provide the framework for growth. Pessimists take things personally, think problems are pervasive, and believe their situation is permanent. Optimists see change as a challenge. They believe they have choices and can control the outcome of their lives, yet they don’t waste time or spin their wheels trying to control the uncontrollable. They’re dedicated and committed people. Change is a challenge and not a threat.
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